Durga - The invincible

I have been working on a full back piece for the last 18 months. It is being done (design and tattoo) by Manuela at Wildfire in Cape Town, who is a beautiful soul and I feel honoured to have her permanent impression on my body.

The first half of my backpiece took 2 sessions of 3.5 and 2.5 hours respectively. The design was drawn from a verbal description which I gave Manuela, it starts on my lower right back with three lotus flowers (in different phases of opening), which have smoke and some skulls coming out of them, and then travels up my back diagonally to my left shoulder with different butterflies, flowers and stars all the way up.

It has deep meaning for me, moving from a dark, muddy depths to the beautiful, delicate lightness of butterflies, it symbolises growth out of a dark, painful place.

There are few people who know me well enough to 'get' its story, but those who do, feel that it is apt and perfect.

The second half of my back piece is still in production, it is the image of the Hindu Goddess Durga. Durga(दुर्गा) "the inaccessible" or "the invincible" is the embodiment of creative feminine force (Shakti). According to mythology Durga was created as a warrior goddess to fight an asura (demon) named Mahishasur.

Mahishasur terrorized the three worlds: heaven, earth and the netherworlds, which angered Shiva and Vishnu so, that beams of fierce light emerged from their bodies, from which Durga emerged. It is said that Mahishasur was not afraid of Durga because she was a woman, but Durga smiled and sipped wine while proclaiming: "Roar with delight while you still can O illiterate demon, because when I will kill you after drinking this, the gods themselves will roar with delight", before she slayed the demon.

Although Durga is considered fearless and invincible, she is said to be compassionate and patient and never loses her sense of humour, even during battles of epic proportions.

People have many reasons for getting tattoo's, but most can be divided into extrinsic or intrinsic reasons.

The reason for me getting this backpiece is totally selfish and not for other people to admire, but to remind me of the battles I have won and to keep my sense of humour and compassion during those hardships which are yet to come.

Trespassers will be shouted at!!!

Boundaries... you find them everywhere:

Countries have boundaries, very specific boundaries, suburbs and neighbourhoods have boundaries, we even have erven to denote our private property.

There are also less formal physical boundaries, like in our work area, restaurants, movie theatres and change rooms, toilet stalls etc.

Most boundaries exist in order to protect those who are within the bordered area, by controlling what and who goes in and out of the borders.

Generally speaking, we all understand, and most of us respect, these boundaries, without there having to necessarily be a huge sign saying: “Trespassers will be prosecuted” attached to the side of your cinema seat.

Although, that being said, it could be quite handy having some mechanism to deter the space invaders in cinema’s and airplanes ;)

We are ‘taught’ the rules of these ‘physical’ boundaries from the day we are born and they are very much just part of the status quo, something we never really question and just accept, until we get older when we begin to question these physical boundaries and to be honest most social norms.

Now I get what boundaries are, and I understand why they are there, but the problem comes when we refer to personal or emotional boundaries.

This is something I thought I was always good at, until I got older and realized that shouting at people to protect myself was a coping mechanism I was using to deal with the fact that I have no boundaries – a bit like a dog barking at an intruder!

Obviously when you start working, shouting at people isn’t really a socially acceptable way of dealing with social conflicts especially when you work in the social sciences, like me. (Which in itself is an irony that I’ll cover later!)

So, when I realized that strong retaliation wasn’t really an option I decided to fall back on the ‘grin and bare it’ mechanism, both these methods were methods I’d used extensively as a child to deal with situations that were completely outside of my emotional and mental capabilities and I’ve mastered them.

If I don’t think I can handle a conflict, I grin and bare it.

If I have found myself already in a conflict, I retaliate.

Well, that clearly isn’t going to work… now is it?

Unless I’m happy with putting up with people constantly treating me in a way that I feel is hurtful or unacceptable and then pushing them away because I’ve let them treat me any way they want.

So... what’s the solution?!... Yip you guessed it…

Establishing physical, emotional, intellectual, sexual and spiritual boundaries.

Deciding what behaviours I find acceptable and unacceptable, and through that communicating and developing healthy boundaries with the people around me.

Sounds easy enough?!

Well its not, because you have to believe there is something to protect inside the walls, before you believe it’s really necessary to build them.

My adopted child

When I was growing up we had a couple of dogs who graced our lives, our first dog was Candy, an ivory Pug, she had the most adorable personality, I would dress her in my dolls clothes and play with her for hours. Her kind and meek personality shone through even in the most hideous of booties and bonnets J Shortly after we got Candy we got Cindy, a brown Toy-Pom, whose looks were a clear indication of nature’s sick sense of humour, because she was small and cuddly looking but had the bite of a Rottweiler! I remember on one specific occasion, when we lived in Westville, Durban, an innocent postman walked up to my mother to give her our post and unbeknownst to him, Cindy saw red and attached herself to the postman’s Achilles heel.

The postman survived, but had learnt a very important lesson, when you do favours for someone; you’re inevitably the one who gets caught in the middle ;)

At the age of 7 we moved into our new home, and both our doggies were getting on, so my parents ‘bought me’ (read: were given) a Spaniel, whom I named Penny. Penny was a copper coloured beauty, and would sit for hours and sing to the tunes I practiced on my recorder for the year end Christmas Carols.

She was really my first experience having my own dog, although it was short lived, because when she eventually matured she dug up my father’s prized garden, and yanked our laundry off the line! My father said she was uncontrollable, and gave her back to her breeders.

I was heart broken, but there was never any arguing with my father, as children were seen and not heard (or rather children are servants and to be treated as such)!

When I was 17 I started studying at a very conservative Technikon. I stayed in a hostel on campus, and as a birthday gift, my then boyfriend bought me a kitten, my very first kitten, and I named him Toad Wart.

Toady was the feline equivalent of a dog. He would follow me wherever I went and fuelled all the rumours of me being involved with the ‘occultists’ on campus (i.e. 80% of the Fine Art students)

I was part of Toady’s life for about 5 years before he drowned and I still swear that cat had the wisest and oldest soul of any person or animal I have met.

I cried for days on end, and buried him under a huge poplar tree on the oustskirts of Rustenburg.

I’ve never been back there.

Since Toady, I’ve had the fortune of being owned by 4 more cats, Moisty, Dougy, Bilbo & Angel, the latter two still very much a part of my life. Moisty was taken by some idiot driver and Dougy went on his own path and only ever returned briefly to check in on us.

Bilbo & Angel

So, for the last 18 years I’ve always said I am a cat person, never really appreciated the affection people have for doggies, and I’m sure partly due to the fact that as a child I could never understand the bond you form with an animal you have parented.

So, what made me decide I wanted a puppy? Not really sure, maybe my desperate need to look after something and be needed and loved unconditionally, or maybe it was just destiny, but what started as a family joke (my husband hates dogs) has ended in me being the most fortunate mommy on the planet, because I get to love and be loved by this little furry ball of love: Merlin!

Perfect (M)other

Since the earliest times, the triad has symbolised the different phases, or milestones in a woman's life, a natural progression, an indication of the 'order of things': Maiden, Mother and Crone.

Maiden symbolising playfulness, spontaneity, learning & vulnerability. Mother symbolising stability, nurtering, fertility & strength and finally Crone symbolising fullfilment, enlightenment, wisdom, maturity and grace.

As I've grown and changed I've often looked at these phases and wondered what will be required of me to achieve these milestones, and whether I will ever be graceful, wise, stable or a mother...

Yet, now as a woman well into the phase: Mother (ironic), I can't help but look at my life and notice that I have always been all these things at the same time, and although there are often days where I am strong and wise, there are days where I am vulnerable and yearning. But if I just stop and take a breath I can find everything I will ever need, right in side me, where it is always been.

So accepting the woman you are, is really the ultimate milestone, and this blog will follow my path to hopefully becoming your favourite crone :)